Roastmaster Royal Rumble! Don Rickles vs Jeff Ross | Mass Debate

On this week's episode, somebody greases the dais and sets subtlety on fire as G-Man and Jed decide who deserves the crown of ultimate roastmaster: Don Rickles or Jeff Ross! Moderator Kraig arrives pre-flustered and immediately loses control of the asylum, allowing G-Man to channel the boozy ghosts of the Dean Martin roasts and proclaim Rickles the GOAT of verbal abuse, the human emergency flare producers launched whenever the host wasn't funny enough to keep America awake. Jed counters that Jeff Ross took Rickles' ancient insult crafting, strapped a jet engine to its ass, and transformed roasting into a legitimate art form, even performing for prisoners because apparently maximum security is just a comedy club with a wicked cover charge. Then someone makes the catastrophic mistake of asking either debater to name something Rickles or Ross actually did besides roasting, causing two grown men to suddenly develop the recall abilities of goldfish that got cracked over the head with a sock full of pennies. From there, the debate becomes a runaway clown car of completely fabricated career highlights, confused comedy history, Juan Valdez jokes, and statements delivered with the confidence of eyewitness testimony despite being invented six seconds earlier. Hung Juror Kirk tries to determine which pile of bullshit smells more historically accurate while Kraig's remaining grip on the show fizzles out like his erections. It's Mr. Warmth vs Roastmaster General, hockey puck vs hot seat, old-school zingers vs prison-yard stingers, and enough reckless roasting to leave a Butterball looking undercooked, on this flame-broiled episode of Mass Debate!